The pursuit of joyful-ness

Happiness is a funny thing, isn’t it? Like, pretty much everybody we meet is striving towards it, and yet none of us really have any idea about how to get there or what it will actually look like when we do. We’ve all just been involuntarily thrown into this game of life, with absolutely no instructions of how to play; so we’re all just stumbling around and hoping for the best.

The end of summer and the changing of seasons always has me feeling very reflective and sentimental, and whilst for a moment I was teetering on the edge of a dangerous spiral of over-thinking and sheer-and-utter panic; I somehow managed to make it out the other side with a smile on my face, and only a couple of meltdowns to show for it - and that, my friends, is what we call progress.

It’s no secret that my little brain hasn’t always been quite so capable of making it through my seasonal meltdowns; the Katie from years past had gotten used to being a glass-half-empty kinda gal, and had branded herself as ‘realistic’ as a desperate disguise for her plain and simple negativity. I know it’s slightly nauseating that I’m referring to myself in third-person, but it is pretty wild to think back to the person I was this time last year; I was a fragile, anxiety-ridden, under-confident shell of the person that I am today. I’m not exactly sure of the moment when this all changed, but what I am sure of is that once I popped on my rose-tinted glasses and started to put a bit of work in; my life miraculously started getting better - funny what looking on the bright side can do, hey?

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve definitely not successfully completed the game yet - I’m still very much plodding along on my squiggly, non-linear journey to joyful-ness; I still have (very) grumpy days, I can be an absolute monster when I’m menstruating (and when I’m not tbh), and I still have some rather acute emotional avoidance issues. What I can say though, is that my bad days never seem quite as bad as they did before, and for the most part, I get to go to bed every night feeling grateful and happy.

It’s been quite the uphill climb but along the way I seem to have assembled myself a little ‘crisis prevention’ toolkit to get me through the wobbly days. So, for anyone who’s interested (potentially just you, Mum), I thought I’d share some of the things I've learnt that have helped me continue to scrape every last joyful morsel out of the Nutella jar that is my life, even when the going gets a little bit tough.

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Always try to have something to look forward to

It’s pretty rubbish to feel as if your life is just a never ending cycle of going to work and coming home again (with the occasional clothes wash and food shop thrown in), so make sure that you have those little lights at the end of the tunnel to look forward to. They don’t necessarily need to be huge, expensive, elaborate things (although I do seem to have an addiction to booking holidays), but prioritise putting things in the diary that make you feel happy, hopeful and excited.

Don't rely on other people to facilitate your fun

If there are fun things you want to do, you don’t have to sit around and wait for other people to suggest them or do them with you - you can go out and do them all by yourself. Having friends and a partner to do things with is lovely and all, but being brave and doing scary things on your own feels pretty great too.

Embrace all the feelings

Living a happy life doesn’t mean that you’re never allowed to feel sad - we’re human beings; we’re going to have shitty days. Just remember that a shitty day doesn’t equate to a shitty life. Acknowledge the feelings, pour yourself a big old glass of wine, watch a film that you know is going to make you cry, and then let those feelings go.

Choose your friends as carefully as you would choose your avocados

I've said it before and I'll say it again: my friends are the absolute lights of my life, and I just feel wildly lucky to be in their orbit. Prioritising spending my time with people who make me feel like a sparkly, loveable, high-definition version of myself has honestly changed my life tenfold.

Always have an in-case-of-emergency playlist at hand

Make yourself a little Spotify haven of songs that instantly make your heart sing. You don’t have to tell anybody else what those songs are (because if you’re anything like me, you may not want to admit them), but pop them in your ears when you’re feeling down, and have a flippin’ ball.

Romanticise your life

This one doesn’t really need too much explaining, but going out and making yourself feel like the main character of a rom com is an absolutely fantastic way to spend your time. You really shouldn’t be embarrassed of living your best damn life; as long as you’re making sure your life is actually as fun and joyful as it looks on social media, then you go ahead and post about it as much as you want. Social media can be heavy, life can be heavy; why wouldn’t I want my social media feed to be filled with all of my friends doing wonderful things? A piccy of your manicure? A boomerang of you drinking cocktails with the girlies? A slow-mo video of you looking out of a train window? I want to see it all.

Try not to worry too much about what everybody else is doing

It turns out that most people I know (regardless of the situation they are in) are actually feeling just as confused and chaotic as I am. We're fed so many contradictory narratives about the things we should be doing with our lives, and when we should be doing them, that absolutely no-one feels like they're doing it right. Just try your best to stay in your own lane, and not rain on your own parade by comparing your life to other people’s. That being said, everything is temporary and you have control over your life, so if you really don’t like the situation you’re in, you’re absolutely capable of changing it.

Move your body (but only in ways that you actually want to)

There’s no denying that it’s good to exercise; but as someone who has struggled hugely with their body image, it’s taken me a long time to disassociate exercise from weight loss. Discovering rebounding classes has literally changed my life, because not only is it actually impossible to feel grumpy whilst bouncing on a mini trampoline; finding a non-competitive, non-goal based hobby has just added yet another layer of sheer joy to my life. My body is the vehicle that allows me to do the fun, exciting, wonderful things in my life - it deserves to be looked after, ya know?

Do kind and helpful things every single day

This last one isn’t exactly revolutionary, but doing things to make other people happy, really does make you feel better - go out and give it a try, you won’t regret it.

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Being a grown up is hard, right? We’re expected to have a successful career, a thriving social life, a flourishing ISA, and to make our bed in the morning, all whilst having to work out if we’d prefer to spend the teeny bit of disposable income we have on a gym membership, a Pret coffee subscription, or a hot water bottle to survive the winter months. It’s absolutely okay to have days where you just want to wallow in self pity, but it’s important to know how to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and just keep giving life your best shot. Bad things happen - true, but good things happen too, and it’s far nicer to walk around expecting something brilliant to happen. Believe me, I’ve tried it both ways. There’s a lot to be said for having your dream job, buying your dream house, and finding your dream partner; but there’s also a lot to be said for waking up every morning and actually feeling happy and excited to start your day.

So just a quick pep talk for the Katie of the past (and for anybody else who needs to hear it): you’re going to be fine. No, you’re going to be better than fine - you’re going to be absolutely-fucking-great because there is one thing that we all know for absolute certain: life goes on.

Katie x